Feb. 15th, 2013

tearonthefire: (Taarna)
I just looked up the word Frenemy, it didn't mean exactly what I thought it would. Basically it has two meanings; 1 - an enemy disguised as a friend. I strongly suspect that this definition is a modern tack-on, I've come to this conclusion because the original printed references to this word around the 1950s did not indicate this interpretation. Actually everything I've ever read that has used this word is more or less indicating the second definition. 2 - A friend who is also your rival. My interpretation of the word before looking it up was close, I thought it meant someone you have chosen as a friend but are in frequent conflict with.

I've had a lot of friends that would fall into that interpretation, actually I've had friends I couldn't stand. I didn't hate them, that would be the wrong interpretation of what I'm saying, they had a lot of good qualities. They were just annoying as hell. These were also NOT shallow relationship, the were close mutually beneficial relationships. We just couldn't stand each other. I admit that I was just as much of a contributor to the mutual annoyance as they were but it was also fun. Sometimes the other person would do something intentionally annoying to see how long it would take until I snapped. Other times I'd counter with an overly lengthy analysis of some flaw with them or their choices. And we'd argue, bickering really. Endless nit picking and mental poking.

But we'd also have incredible debates on an enormous number of topics. Or we'd play games together until neither us could say awake. Sometimes we'd window shop for hours, daydreaming about getting some useless item we couldn't afford at the time. We'd be there for one another in a time of crisis, even if the friend in question was not emotionally available they still sat on a silent phone or in an equally silent room. If one of use needed something we'd drop everything to go help them. We missed one another when they was missing, even if they didn't say anything about it, and we were happy to see one another.

We loved to be on each others nerves. I feel that I must make clear that were never dismissed one other, even if we threw insult jokes and we never attempted to make the other person stop being annoying. We respected one another, cared for one another. We just didn't like one another.

Some people would vehemently say that we weren't really friends. We'll I'm not friends with the people who say that so they can shut the fuck up sans the joking manner. Seriously, if you can't get it, don't push your hangups on me. We liked hanging out, going to dinner, and talking on the phone. I can not like someone and still find interesting and I can have a none parasitic relationship with someone I find annoying or unattractive. I don't have any fear of pointing out what I don't like in someone nor do I have a problem with someone doing the same to me. I have a ton and a half of faults, it'd take me an hour to write them all out. If someone references one of my faults, in a none dehumanizing way, I don't take that as a condemnation of me as a person.

In general it seems people find it hard to give or take criticism, it's a twisted taboo to tell someone that they can't spell worth crap or that they have the grace of a bull. Those are criticisms I've received and they're true. Without spell check this wouldn't be readable at all and I am oblivious to the space around me. I bump into doors, trip over perfectly straight ground, and smash my hands and thighs into everything. I don't take a comment like that as a condemnation of me as a person. I know it's funny for others to see a butchy intimidating woman bounce off the divider in the middle of double doors, I'd laugh to. I am not going to say, 'you shouldn't make fun of someones clumsiness'. It's funny, snicker at me. I'm secure with myself and I don't need constant reassurance or defending.

I think maybe that that might be the root of the problem. Most people don't seem to like themselves let alone accept themselves and when someone brings up something they don't like, they get defensive or aggressive. But really these peoples hangups are not my problem, hens I keep friends I don't like. The modern PC era dictates, it is a dictation and you are condemned if you don't join the craze, that everyone is equal and that you must accept everyone differences but then those very same people will tell you that you can't be friends with someone you don't like. My repeated question is why not. Just because I find someone unlikable doesn't mean I dismiss them as a human being nor do I believe that being such makes them irredeemable.

Some might say, 'then you really do like them'. No I don't. They're pests and I'd like to pull the wings off of them. I'd like to record them and force them to listen to their chirpy bird like voice for hours. I wish them to be cursed with children exactly like them, or worse me. Just because I think those things doesn't mean you can say we're not friends, in fact all the people who say crap like that can go die in a corner. I wouldn't give up most of the friendships I've had and more so with the friends I didn't like. I actually feel I was much close to the unliked friends than the likes ones. It might have something to do with the lack of pretence or the inhibition in they way we talk to one another, I'm not sure.

I would rather be disliked and someone tell me what they really think, then being like and someone 'overlook' my faults. Again, fuck you. I am just as much my faults as I am my virtues. If you don't accept one then you don't accept me. Someone is not just their virtues, that's how divorces are made, they are the sum of everything. The neuritic coffee stirring, the god damn sipping in my ear on the phone, the eating with their mouths open, the schizophrenic need to sit on a certain side of the bus, and who could forget the compulsive cutting and chewing of food with a refuse to talk during. I could happily kill someone for even one of those things but with my friends I accept them, NOT see past them. Most of them were/are intelligent, funny, charismatic, and bunch of other great things that aren’t diminished by their endless hand cleaning rituals.

Come to think of it, it's rather disgusting that some people would open their mouths and tell me I'm can't be friends with someone I don't like. I can be friends with whoever I damn well please, so keep your unsupported, unsubstantiated opinion to yourself or my friends and I will not like each other in front of you, making your head explode from your inability to process it.

By the way, you're worse than the Catholics *snear*.

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tearonthefire

February 2014

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