tearonthefire: (Taarna)
[personal profile] tearonthefire
I was so schmuckified yesterday that I don't even want to admit it. All day I thought it was Thursday. Not only did I think it was Thursday, I looked it up on two computer calendars and still thought it was Thursday.

This condition is sometimes called 'belief persistence'(bp) and you can guess by its name what aspect of human life one might want to invent a label like that. It can be akin to confirmation bias(cb) but where cb requires at least some level of corroborating data bp requires none or ignores the available.

Despite looking directly at a calendar, more than once, my certainty made me selectively blind to the display of the contradictory information. I can remember looking and seeing the indicator highlighting the second from the right date but in my mind I thought it meant Thursday and when I confronted myself later that night on the actual day, I could remember what I saw and couldn't understand why I thought it meant the day before. Some part of me must have realized my mistake because I did keep checking the date but despite that nagging suspicion I kept persisting in my belief.

I of course feel utterly foolish. It wasn't like I was out, without access to a calendar and thinking, 'it feels like a Thursday', I had no excuse. It's odd beyond words how the human mind can fulfil one's biases despite a plainly written display to the contrary. It's not like it was open to interpretation, it was as plain as circling the correct answer and I got it wrong.

I think I'm going on about this because I pride myself on having the most correct information I can find and not being susceptible to colouring the information with my own desires. I can at least comfort myself with the fact that I did eventually correct myself.

I don't know how other people can stand being wrong about something, or anything, like this. This mistake was made in my own home, in private and I feel completely stupid. I feel humiliated despite the lack of available judgers. I feel the need to be even more vigilante about what I think and what I see despite the obvious opinion of most that this was just 'one of those things' and 'nothing to get so worked up about' but even the forgiving oneself of a small inconsequential mistake such as this one may lead to ever increasing laziness and the eventual corruption of one's mind. I just wish others were even half this vigil over the contents of their minds.

Yes, I am this obsessive. This is not a satire or a parody of anything, I really do feel schmuckish over this.
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February 2014

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